Terrible week

It has been a terrible week.... and when I say terrible, it's really terrible.

It wasn't terrible physically. Even though it has been raining the past few days and I couldn't go for my regular jog, it was still ok.

It wasn't terrible mentally. I didn't think much for the past few days, but didn't stress out or go blank mentally.

But it was terrible spiritually for me. To be frank... hadn't been praying or reading the Bible much as compared to the past 2 weeks. Guess I was too sure of myself and thought that nothing could prevent me from growing near to God. Then out of the blue, when I didn't keep watch of myself... SIGH... and the rest is history.

I was brought back to the passage in Matthew 24:42, "Therefore keep watch because you do not know on what day your Lord will come"

So I guess I have to pick myself up from where I had fallen and start to run the race for God again!

Truth and Grace

Was reading this book call "Changes That Heal" by Dr. Henry Cloud. And the first chapter of the book talks about Truth and Grace, which really amazes me and open up my mind. He describe the two in this way.

Grace:-
"Grace is the first ingredient necessary for growing up in the image of God. Grace is unbroken, uninterrupted, unearned , accepting relationship. It is the kind of relationship humanity had with God in the Garden of Eden... (Grace) is the relational aspect of God's character. It shows itself in his unconditional connection to us."

Truth:-
"Truth is the second ingredient necessary for growing up in the image of God. Truth is what is real; it describes how things really are. Just as grace is the relational aspect of God's character, truth is the structural aspect of God's character. Truth is the skeleton life hangs upon; it adds shape to everything in the universe. God's truth leads us to what is real, to what is accurate.

And he goes on to describe how dangerous is it to have grace without truth or truth without grace. And I could understand both cause I have experienced the both extreme.

I used to be a person with truth and without grace. And when I see someone doing something wrong, I just go ahead and address the issue. "Hey. That's wrong. Very wrong. The Bible says it's wrong. And you know it's wrong. You shouldn't be doing this."

But very often, it hurts the person when I address the issue without showing the love and acceptance. It will only create more barriers and hinder me from helping the person to overcome his/her struggle and to grow to be more Christlike. But then the other extreme really isn't helpful also.

"Oh... it's ok. God will forgive. God is good. No problem about it. He will understand. Just go on with life ."

Well... That's sure a lot of grace for everyone. And I have a friend in NUS who tells me, "Don't need to go church lar. Cause God will forgive me even at the last minute one right? So what's the point of confessing my sins and committing to Him now? Just wait till when I'm older lor. God always give chances right?"

And the author gave a wonderful illustration to grace and truth working hand in hand with respect to the adulterous woman in John 8:3-11. He wrote: -

"Jesus shows what it means to know grace and truth in him. He offered this woman grace in the form of forgiveness and acceptance... He also showed the power of grace as an agent to end separation from her fellow human beings as well. The Pharisees were no different from her: She was a sinner, and they were sinners... But Jesus did not stop with just acceptance. He accepted her with full realization of who she was: an adulteress. He accepted her true self, a woman with sinful desires and actions. He then gives her direction for the future: "Go now and leave your life of sin." These 2 ingredients together - acceptance and direction- serve to bring the real self into relationship, the only way that healing ever takes place."

Myths and legends and fairy tales

When I was much younger (propably since primary school days), I started to really enjoy reading fairy tales, myths and legends. And everytime there's a long school holidays, I would not fail to go to the old Jurong East Library to borrow books on such genre.

I really enjoy those stories. Stories of witches, faries, goblins, orges, giants, dwarves, harpies, nine-headed serpents and of gods and demons. And also stories on the foolishness or wisdom of men when dealing with those deities. I'm simply captived by the world of mythical creatures and extraordinary tales.

And out of all these, I simply love Greek myths the most. Stories of the Gods of Olympia, of how they overpower the Titans, of the jealousy and wrath of Queen Hera, and how all the gods and goddess interfered with the lives of ordinary men and women. There are also stories of the half-God half-man Hercules, of how he started to kill serpents even when he was just a baby, and how he battle with the mythical creatures of the old. And also stories of ordinary men like Jason(and the Golden Fleece) and many others in a world where supernatural and magical powers decided the fate of mankind.

But after a while... I guessed I started to grow out of my world of supernatural stuffs. Stories like finding gold coins in a fish belly is really out-of-the world. But then God amazed me again when I read Matthew 17:27 when Jesus said to Peter, "go to the lake and throw out your line. Take the first fish you catch; open its mouth and you will find a four-drachma coin. Take it and give it to them for my tax and yours."

Ha... Isn't God such an amazing and humorous God? Finding gold coin in a fish belly... HA!HA!HA!

Encounter Weekend (13 -15 May)

To start, I approach this Encounter Weekend with a lot of fear and trembling. First of all, this is my first time as a guide for the participants. Secondly, there are 7 people placed under my care officially. Unofficially 10 cause Gam didn't sign up and YeeKiat and Guoyong were in this Encounter also. But logically 4 cause Leslie is here to accompany Zhiwei, Gam is here to accompany Brian and YK and GY are taken care of by Kalai.

There was lot of pressure as I roughly know Leslie in my group. The rest of the people... never really know who they are. Also because there is a 30 year old guy(Edmund) "under" me. But thank God I was in Penang from Monday night to Thursday morning and so didn't have much time to worry and stress myself out in this week.

Friday came and there I was at the Encounter. And at first, it was really stressful cause it's very uncomfortable to be looking after 10 people and at the same time, knowing that there are people in my group who are more experienced than me. But thank God that Leslie and Gam gave me a lot of encouragement and support. Also thank God that Zhongyu was around with me, talking to me and helping me to see the picture better.

After a while, I came to terms that I had to stop focusing on my limitations and weakness and just allow God to come and work in me and through me in this encounter. And indeed God came powerfully in this Encounter. Even on the first session on the Father's love on Sat morning, God came powerfully and a lot of people were brought to tears during ministry time.

Shall skipped the rest of the stuffs cause I think I can just go on days and nights...

Just want to thank God for what He has done in my life even as I look back at this Encounter. Just to list a few of them:-

1. Thank God that at the end of the Encounter, I've known the guys placed under my charge more. Even though I did not have the time to build deeper relationships with all of them, I know that God has placed a love for them in my heart. I'm still missing them now and looking forward to the day where we'll all be together worshipping God in heaven.

2. Frankly speaking... I was more of in a daze throughout the encounter. But thank God that he has used me to release his love and words to his people. I'm a man of few words in prayers, but when I start to minister to his people, I'm just simply amazed at all the words that has come out of my mouth. And I'm really amazed at what God has done through me.

3. God has taught me a lessons on authority. Guess that I need to learn to take up authority over certain issues and stop letting certain things go their way.

4. God once again reminded me not to be distracted by the signs and wonders. Cause it's still our lives that he's looking at. It's more important that He wants our lives changed than to experience all the "lightning and thunder and columns of fires" that comes with His power.

Lastly, just want to thank God once again that I was given the privilege to come to this Encounter to be used by Him and to learn to be a more useful person for Jesus.

(P.S. Wenguang... dun be stressed if you're reading this. Will certainly share with you my penang experience. Won't share with you what you don't want to hear unless u want to. Hope to have the dvd session with you soon!)

Me and "my" guys for the Encounter Weekend : (L to R : Me, Leslie, Joseph, Zhi Wei, Eugene, Gam, Brian, Edmund) Missing: Terrence 

Penang Trip

An account of my Penang Trip from 090505-110505 :-

The Trans bus left Lavender MRT station at around 9pm and travel by the 2nd link up to Penang. The air-con in the bus was extremely cold and I didn't rest well throughout the night. We reached the wonderful island of Pulau Pinang at around 8am and Weilun's sister, Janet, came to pick us up.

After resting a while, we went to have dim sum. We ate quite a lot for only $30RM. After that we wanted to try out the "authentic" Penang Laksa, but the stall was closed. So we travel to Penang Hill and took the rail up the hill. Took a walk around the hilltop... but nothing much actually. We stayed there for about 1 hour. After that we went back to the Laksa stall and tried a bowl of Laksa. It was very different. The soup was more Tom Yam style and there was quite a lot of grounded fish shreds in the Laksa. And I think I prefer the local laksa. After tasting the Laksa, we went to look for Pastor Grace (one of Weilun's good friend) at TOP(Tabernacle of Praise) but she wasn't around.

At the point... I was near to the point of blanking out as the weather is terribly hot and the air-con in Weilun's car is quite faulty. So we decided to head back Weilun's home. But on the way, we bought 2 packets of fried kway tiao, one packet of chendol and one packet of ice kachang.

It was such a relief to be able to go "home". We took a shower, tried the good food and had a afternoon nap till 5plus. Before Weilun took us to get our return tickets, we tried out the local KFC. And later we spend some time walking in a local shopping centre. After that, we tried some tasty western food near "Bai yun San" (White Clouds Hill). Then we went near the sea to try more good food. When we return back, we took a rest and play daide from 12 midnight to 2am.

When we woke up in the morning, we went to try the local Bah Tuk Teh. Vincent wanted to play pool, but too bad the shop wasn't open yet. So we just laze around the shop for a whie. After that, we went to look for Pastor Grace again and had lunch with her. Ate the local Hokkien Mee, popiah, Char Kway Teow and some fruits to aid us in digestion. Then we return "home" to do some packing.

In the evening, we took Jane's boyfriend's car to one of the local seafood restaurant and had a cheap yet sumptous meal before we return home. The bus left at 835pm sharp and I reached Woodlands Checkpoint at 440am in the morning.

Post exam "busy-ness"

Finally my exams are over!

Pastor Khong preached a sermon on prayers during service. He spoke something that really open my mind... "The actual battle is not in the physical but in the spirituak" And yar... really need to perservere in praying for my loved ones. Really need to PUSH (Pray Until Something Happens) for the people around me.

Was thinking of fasting and praying this week... but guess that my Penanag trip will put the fasting on hold for 3 days. My spiritual father is quite worried for me regarding this trip... but I guess things would be ok as I felt the assurance from God. Just have to constantly remind myself to keep watch and to put on the armour of God constantly. Also have to pray for the people in the cell.

Also looking forward to the coming Encounter Weekend. Not only for Yee Kiat and Guoyong, but also for myself. Really need to encounter God afresh again...

Looking forward to 060505 11am

Still looking forward to that moment where I can leave MPSH after finishing my last paper.

Frankly speaking, me didn't pia at all the past few days. Sort of just flipping through the 400++ lecture slides every now and then and trying to refreshing the ideas and concepts. Also not really in the mood to study. Nowadays just very distracted and not really in the mood to go deep into studying. But then again... I'm always like that during examination periods. Be it O levels or A levels, I'm always very slack during the last few minutes one. And I really have to thank God for always pulling me through enough to pass and get decent grades (So far... my worst grade that has appeared on the cert is a C5 for GP.)

Plans for the holidays... firstly, I think I just want to go through a major revamp. I think I will have to harden my heart to throw away a lot of stuffs which I won't want to keep. Next, I would try to reorganise my stuffs so that I can be highly effecient when I need to search for them. This includes copying all my files into one CD and clearing the computer space. All these preferbly done by 130505.

Was thinking I badly need to get a suntan too... Was thinking if I want to ask my Wang Xi- lookalike friend (dun get angry if you're reading this ah) to go along since he's so experience and such a good company. But it's pretty weird to stand half-naked in front of him leh. Feel so exposed and transparent... HA!HA!