Precious Gifts

Recently there's a new guy in church. Don't know how to explain it but there's something about him that really brings joy to the people around him. I guess it's his confidence, openness and sincerity that's at work. But at the same time, can also see his simple and hungry heart for God.

He's a new believer, but the way he's so on fire for God really puts me to shame.

Anyway, he's "without" a spiritual father for the time being. And some of us are really interested and hoping that we can be the one God has appointed to take care of his spiritual growth. I guess that in one way or another, all of us can see that he is a precious gift from God to our family. Just as He has given us so many precious gifts (people like William, Jiajin... ... ), God is so good as too add to our family another precious gift.

But what defines a special gift? Someone who has blessed our heart? Or someone who's hassle-free? What if there is this guy who brings you a lot of headache and heartache?

I believe we're all precious to God. Despite our big problems, and all the times that we have choosen to run away from God, we're still precious in God's eyes. Yar... I guess I have the answer. Even those who give you lots of headache and heartache are still precious gifts from God. We just have to learn to peel off the wrapper gently and carefully so that the gift will be revealed and truly precious to us.

After God has spoken this truth to me, I then realised how bad I am. God has given me Jesus and Jesus has given me his life on the Cross. Yet, at times, I still choose to ignore God and dileberately sin. This is simply an act of trampling on God's precious gift to me. But God is gracious and I know he's holding my hand and teaching me to walk with him step by step.

For those of you who are reading this post. Hope that you are truly blessed!

Boring 2 days and interesting days ahead

Been spending yesterday and today studying for Graph Theory I. Still a lot of proofs and theorems to be understood. But stress level is only about 10% compared to 99% last week cause I've finished the bulk of my exams. After the paper tomorrow, I'll be more or less extremely relax. Think my stress level will reduce to 1% after 1130am tomorrow.

What else after that... well... going to shop for Kenneth's birthday present with ZY, then going to meet up with Guoyong and Yee Kiat for Pre-encounter materials. After that will have the short celebration and cell. And then sunday will be meeting up with Guoyong for studies. After which will meet up with Jerome and Harvey for some stuffs. Really looking forward to what God is going to do in this meet-up. And after that is just preparing for my last paper on 6th May for the rest of the week.

And things are really so exciting... cause I'll be having fun with friends and also spending more time on ministry. But at the same time also slightly concern about my status... whether I will be staying back for honours or going to start work. Well... everyone tells me to go for honours... but I prefer to wait and see how things goes. Don't wish to die die stay behind just because everyone says so. Still waiting an answer from God.

Sob sob...

Aiya... So sad today.

Was going to sms William and ask him how are things in SISPEC. Sms type till half way then my handphone auto shut off. When I on the handphone, the message "Contact Service" appeared on my phone and I'm unable to use it. But what the heck... still got to go sit for my paper.

After my paper, I went to the Nokia Shop at Jurong Point then they say that the repair service is at Suntec only and it might cost up to $80-$100 dollars (as my warenty has expired already). Was thinking of altering the date on my warenty card to get a free repair... but think better not lar... not good testimony.

Think for now have to borrow my mum's handphone first or else I'll be out of touch with the world. Was thinking of maybe go sign another cheap contract with M1 and get a new handphone at a cheaper price... Anyone got any recommendations?

Really upset over the phone lar... Listening to "Tong Hua" by Guang Liang now... sad sad song introduced to me by Kenneth during the last K-box session with him. Hopefully will feel better after crying it out... : (

Sleepless night

Yesterday night was really bad... Sweating all the way and unable to sleep peacefully. Fan was on but still didn't help me to have a better sleep.

Had to pull myself out of bed at 630am for the morning paper cause I want to be early for the 9am paper. (I normally wake up around 730am) Don't feel really great as didn't get the rest i needed. Thank God I found myself to be pretty alert throughout the paper. Pia the 2-hour paper... didn't finish all the technical proofs, but manage to finish all the workable parts. Thanks to my cell leader for praying for the peace I needed... caues the worst thing that can ever happen to me is to panic and hand in a blank paper (which has happened to me before.). And that didn't happen to me today.HA!HA!

Guessed I'd also learn to let go already. Most lecturers like that. They just want to "kill" as many students as possible in the exams to distinguish the clever students from the average. Think they lack a lot of mercy. Maybe we should ask pastor to preach a sermon of mercy to my lecturers. But think of it... wonder if I'll be merciful to my students next time... HA!HA!HA! Still not really in the mood to study for my exams tomorrow. But I know I got to get down to it... at least for now.

Financial Maths is such a killer!!!

As the title goes... the paper today was such a killer.Can get B I'll be happy already.

Even though this is the exam period, but a lot of things are just going through my mind. Ministry stuffs... so many things happening.. new people, encounter weekend, pre-encounter, SAJC CEll Reunion, post encounter, SOL...

Also all the more wordly stuffs like what to get for Mother's Day, when to meet up with Wenguang again, my contract with MOE, my IPPT with ZhengZhong in June, whether I'll be doing honours, whether I want to go Penang with Vincent or whether I should go Malacca with WanTing and Harvey... ...

Aiya... should learn to take things step by step... else I sure burn-out. Must go study for tomorrow's test now!

Frustration

I believe that everyone has their own share of problems and frustration. And what do people do when they are frustrated? Some will scream their lungs out. Some will gorge on food. Some will try to hurt others. Some will even try to end their life to stop all these misery and frustration.

Screaming... not my type of reaction. I'll normally try to gorge on food. The old me would even try to raise my voice at someone... or even contemplate suicide. Doesn't mean that the "new" me wouldn't do that. But those scary thoughts just seem further and further away.

Why?

For one, I believe that God has placed wonderful people in my life. And when I say this, I don't refer to my church friends only. I refer to anyone who would show care and concern to me. Anyone who's willing to listen to me and share their life with me. Anyone who's willing to hear my dark secrets and still accept me for who I am. And I thank God for these wonderful people whom He had placed in my life.

And it brought me to a point where I realized the importance of listening. Was reading this book, "Listening To Others" by Joyce Hugget where she say that it's not just enough to listen and sympathize to someone. But we have to be like Jesus... to listen and empathize and to have compassion with them. To laugh with them and to wept with them. To be able to connect with them.

People are frustrated and people are looking for a channel to be heard, a channel where their feelings could be understood. But often, people choose the wrong solution and the wrong channel. I don't mean I'm more perfect than others, and often I still choose the wrong solution to my problems, and ended up hurting more than before. But life is a journy and I believe that God will be holding onto my hand even as I fumble and fall at times.

Lastly, just want to quote from a friend who's working as a social worker, "When things go wrong, it doesn't help to focus on the problem. Try to focus on the solution instead. And Jesus is the Perfect solution."

My Sabbath

Went to meet my spiritual son for tuition before service... but realise he wasn't in the mood. Lost his cuffs and got into some disagreement with his father. Guess he's pretty stressed with his SYF and songFestival thing... so we just walk walk and chit chat a bit. Was hoping that this will help him to relax and forget about the unhappy things. During service can see that he's quite "no mood" for worship or the sermon... really worried for him.

After cell group managed to listen to the testimonial of one of Zhongyu's cell member. Was really really blessed by his walk with God. Though he knew God for less than 1 year, yet his experience with what God can do in his life really impress me. Indeed God always do wonders.

Really envy Zhongyu that he has such a wonderful member. Not that I'm complaining or grumbling about my spiritual son for not being wonderful. In fact, he's been a great blessing to me by his willingness to share and to make effort in his studies. But it's natural that all parents want their kids to be the head and not the tail, and to be top and not the bottom. So I guess I'm still looking forward to the day where my "boy" becomes a man of God who will rise up to impact the world. Don't really know what I can do to help him, but I guess I really need to pray more for him.

Less than 36 hours before my first paper on monday. Haven't squeeze everything inside my head yet, but really has the peace of God which my cell group prayed for me just now. Thank God once again for the peace. Glory to God in the highest!

Exam stress

Was really stressed up yesterday and today.
There's simply too much information to recall and too little time to go in depth.
Tried to stuff the knowledge into my mind but find that I'm highly ineffective.

Anyway... decided to let it be... as Jerome say, "Just do your best".
Think I also a bit "kan po hong cheng" already.
Been studying so much for the past years... perhaps coming out to work would be more fun?!?!
Ha... But I guess I still prefer studying in NUS cause things are more relax and time is more flexible.

Even though tomorrow is suppose to be my Sabbath (where I'm suppose to be spending time on God and His people the whole day), but I guess I still got to spend the morning trying to do some things... maybe clear up my MA3236 or IT2002 before going on to the past year paper?

Thank God for the peace in this time of stress!